Down the Drain
The alarm clock startles her. Every morning it’s the same thing. Caitlin sits up in her bed and says a silent prayer, asking for the courage to get up and face another day. She has a responsible job. Once upon a time, not all that many years ago, she could handle it with aplomb. It was what she trained for. Older now, technology an unrelenting threat, she often feels overwhelmed.
She hears some bickering coming from the kitchen. Her son and daughter are engaged in a shoving match over a favorite mug or maybe the last bit of Lucky Charms; the cereal she meant to buy on the way home from work yesterday, but forgot.
She has to be quick now, making herself presentable for the office; the usual meetings, conference calls and contentious employees. Makeup, hair, stockings with no runs and above all the lipstick that still makes her feel pretty. She slips her dress on and takes a deep breath. She strides into the kitchen, a look of determination on her face.
About a year ago she realized that the look on her face each morning had a powerful impact on her children. Her son, a high school honor student, and her daughter, the social butterfly of the middle school, often had exactly the day her face said it would be.
She doesn’t get the help she needs, but knows it would be worse if she complained. She stands with the kids at the school bus stop and welcomes the numbness the chilly weather offers. She walks back to her driveway and gets into her car. Time for another quick prayer. It’s a reliable car, but she remembers now that she had a dream last night that it wouldn’t start.
She runs into traffic on the way to work. It’s not unusual, but today, when she has to present her quarterly production report to the CEO and the board, she can’t afford to be late. Apparently, no one told that to the driver who rear-ended a police car about a mile from the office. Somehow, she manages to get to her desk just in time to grab her laptop and walk to the boardroom along with the vice president of marketing. The man is a good workplace friend, very supportive. He will be fired before the day is over. She hopes her smile conceals what she knows. She hates knowing, but it can’t be helped.
The meeting doesn’t go well. Sales are way off and the CEO is fighting a competitor’s offer to acquire the firm. The meeting’s one bright spot is her report. The chairman of the board thanks her for her consistent professionalism. After the meeting she pulls Caitlin aside and tells her she may be called on to temporarily take over as CEO. In a moment of unvarnished candor, Caitlin responds, saying it will take a lot more money to be in a position to help out even on a temporary basis.
The day flies by. Three o’clock becomes six o’clock as if she effortlessly slipped into a new dimension. It’s time to head home. Traffic is lighter. Even better she doesn’t have to make any milk or bread runs tonight. She orders a pizza and after dinner, checks the kids’ homework. She takes a shower and settles in. Nothing on television and she is much too tired to open her briefcase.
When it’s bedtime she says one more prayer, thanking God for another day. As usual, sleep is elusive. She prefers not to dream, or perhaps, not to remember. There was a time when she imagined a lifetime of sweet companionship. Just before she drifts off she whispers, “There goes that life’s dream down the drain.”