Can I be a Better Communicator?
We are all born with gifts that help us get through life. My gift has always been communication. My skills in that area afforded me a fine career in the healthcare industry and beyond as I pursued other interests. On the other hand, if you ask me to read financial statements, you will be rewarded with a blank stare. And no amount of study ever helped.
If you want a coherent oral presentation, a letter, a written proposal, an article, novel, or short story, I can do that. Please understand I wasn’t born speaking clearly or writing articles you couldn’t put down. While I didn’t formally study communication in college, I made up for it with intensive work. I’ve read countess books on the art of effective communication. I was a member of Toastmasters International, an organization focused on communication and leadership skills, for many years. I’ve spoken to many organizations on communication skills, including Rotary, Chambers of Commerce as well as various business associations. I even tried my luck performing at a comedy club a few times. And I learned the craft of writing one painful episode at a time.
Retired now, I still enjoy writing and observing the way we communicate. In the social media era, we are now living through, we have all experienced changes in the way people communicate, most notably perhaps in the decline in civility. Yet, there are some facts about communication that are, in my opinion, immutable.
For starters, communication skills can have a substantial impact on your success, be it your career, your family life, or your impact on issues that matter greatly to you. One concern about developing our communication skills is that we may not be aware of whether we communicate effectively. After all, how many of us would ever suggest to someone that they are poor communicators? And how many of us ask for feedback? Yet, I believe some of us wonder at times if communication is something we need to work on.
Yet, being an effective communicator has never been more valuable. Certainly, business professionals deal with a wider variety of exposure than ever before, whether it’s traditional PowerPoint presentations. Zoom calls, podcasts or participating and performing in meetings that are being watched on livestream platforms.
Everyday life demands that we learn to communicate more effectively too. So much of what we deal with has become specialized and often highly technical and sophisticated. Anyone who has ever had to contemplate a serious medical issue, for example, knows how daunting that experience can be. Many of us shy away from asking the doctor questions, not sure of how to approach the topic. It takes confidence in your communication skills to ask potentially life altering questions. Add to that, matters related to increasingly complicated personal finances, real estate transactions, and other major purchases, etc. What I have learned over the years is that being a confident, clear communicator usually enhances the chances that I’ll be taken seriously. It's harder to gloss over issues when you know you are speaking to someone who is likely to ask good questions.
Regardless of your season in life, you can dramatically improve your communication skills if you’re willing to work at it. Here are a few ideas you may find useful.
Build Your Vocabulary
There’s a well- established correlation between a strong vocabulary and success. It’s been said that only about 3,500 words separate the high vocabulary person from the low. 3,500 words can make the difference between success and failure. Time and again research has shown that a bigger vocabulary is linked to more sales, better jobs and more money.
When you need to make a critical point, having the exact word at your command is powerful. And your ability to understand what others are really saying will greatly improve.
Pick up a vocabulary book or sign up with Merriam Webster to get a daily email with the word of the day.
Too busy to study words on a regular basis?
Read more: Reading will help you add to your vocabulary. In fact, reading might be the best way to improve your vocabulary.
Studies have shown that people learn more words by reading them than by hearing them.
A 5th grader reading 6 minutes a day is exposed to about 430,000 words a year. If that same child read for 60 minutes a day, he or she would read 4.3 million words a year. How many of those words do we learn just by seeing them?
How many times do you come across a word while reading that you can’t define, yet you understand it in the context of the sentence or paragraph? It happens more often than we realize.
Work to Eliminate Fillers
Fillers are words or sounds that we use, unconsciously, in most cases. We use them because silence tends to make us nervous. Reducing, if not eliminating words or expressions such as, “like,” “I mean,” “you know,” “kind-of,” “sort-of,” is a worthwhile goal. You will also want to eliminate sounds we make between words, like, “uhh” or “umn.” Fillers, especially when used frequently, hurt your chances of being listened to and being understood. Ultimately, after a certain point, listeners tune out. This is not just a teenager problem. Adults are guilty of this too. What fillers really do is make the speaker appear weak, unprepared and uncertain.
How do you fix this problem? Start by recognizing that the goal isn’t perfection. I’ve worked for years to eliminate fillers. Being human, I still use them sometimes. It takes conscious effort to reduce, if not eliminate words that detract from your message. In my experience there are three stages to achieving this. First, you become aware that you frequently say, for example, “like.” Conscious of it now, you begin to hear the word every time you say it. Next, you start to feel it coming on and you stop yourself from saying it. Success!
But what about that silence, momentary though it may be? It turns out that the pause is one of the most powerful communication tools at your disposal. An intentional pause lasts only 1 to 3 seconds. Happily, pauses serve a valuable purpose. Here are 5 reasons the deliberate pause works in your favor.
1. It gives people time to absorb what you’re saying.
2. Builds anticipation for what comes next.
3. Recaptures the attention of a listener whose attention may be flagging.
4. Gives you time to think before you speak so you can carefully choose your words.
5. Pauses help you to demonstrate confidence in what you are saying.
Words Matter
It’s important to be conscious of the impact our choice of words can have on people. I remember a meeting in which the CEO of the company started a presentation to prospective investors by saying, “We have this canned presentation for you.” Most of us like to feel special. The word canned doesn’t give the impression that the audience is special. Instead, it says, “I didn’t go to any special trouble for you. I didn’t consider the possibility that you might have unique needs that I should address. I’ll probably give the same presentation to another group this afternoon.” One word, “canned;” several negative messages.
Whether you’re addressing clients, or your teenager, the words you choose can make a critical difference in whether you achieve your goal. Choosing words that make your intentions and meaning clear will always improve your chances of success. Obviously, there is no sure-fire formula that can guarantee you will always find the right word. Our word choices can be affected by our mood, circumstances, or simply feeling tired. However, as I mentioned earlier, growing your vocabulary is one way to improve your chances. It’s even more important to keep your goals in mind. Putting a little bit of love into your thoughts will also improve your chances of making a lasting good impression. People who consciously consider their choice of words are less likely to make mistakes. With a positive attitude we will find the best words to suit the circumstances.
Listening
Listening may be the most underrated communication skill. Yet, active listening is critical to effective communication. When you listen to understand it is far more likely that your response will be appreciated if only because others will know they’ve been heard.
Why is active listening so difficult?
Studies show that as much as 70% of what we say is screened out or altered by the receiver. What you say is not necessarily what the listener gets. Why? The listener may be distracted, has some preconceived notions about the speaker, is focused on what they want to say rather than listening. And…there’s another dynamic that comes into play….
Other studies indicate that people speak at 100 to 175 words per minute but they can listen intelligently at 600 to 800 words per minute. That means when we’re listening, we have a little extra time on our hands. How we use that time can make a huge difference to you, your coworkers, your customers and the people in your personal life who matter most.
Five ACTIVE LISTENING TIPS:
Find the motivation to listen. If your doctor walked into the exam room and said, “I have some news for you,” would you be all ears? You bet. Find a reason to pay attention. There’s always a chance you’ll learn something new, an idea that can help your personal or professional growth. You might even make a new friend.
Concentrate. Make eye contact and hold it. Use the extra time on your hands to observe tone and body language. If you use your time wisely you will be better able grasp the true meaning of the speaker’s words.
Suspend all judgment. Don’t let the other person’s dress, appearance, accent, title or words influence your willingness to listen. People who sell cars see this all the time. The guy in overalls and dirty boots who pays cash for a top of the line car.
Ask questions. Asking questions signals that you are engaged in the conversation and interested in the other person’s point of view. It also makes it less likely you’ll misinterpret what’s been said.
Resist the temptation to interrupt the person talking. Don’t assume you know where the speaker is going. People will often surprise you. Let them.
A Few Tips on Writing Well
Writing doesn’t come easily to everyone. Thanks to social media, we’ve learned to “speak” in shorthand which tends to limit the length and, at times, the clarity of our messages. Writing is a craft that includes rules of grammar, sentence structure and your personal style, which only develops over time. There are, however, some basic methods you can start with that will make it possible to significantly improve your writing.
1. To organize your thoughts, start with an outline. The outline doesn’t have to be formal. You can just make a list of the points you want to cover in no particular order. Don’t rush the process. When you finish, number each item in order of importance.
2. Remember that every written communication has a beginning, middle and an end. The beginning tells your readers why you are writing to them. The middle provides support for your idea or request, with facts, statistics quotes, etc. Then end, or conclusion, briefly summarizes your position and asks the readers to take a specific action.
3. All writing is re-writing. That means you will rarely get it right on the first draft. Your writing will always be more precise after several drafts. If time isn’t critical, sleep on it and return to your project the next day. Note that even a fifteen-minute break helps to produce better work.
4. If you really want to improve, find a friendly editor you trust to read your work. Give them permission to be honest, keeping in mind that as the author, ultimately the final decision is yours.
5. Don’t hesitate to use a thesaurus. With search engines at your fingertips, it’s an easy task. A thesaurus will help you find the best word to express your thoughts. You can also add some variety to your language, which keeps readers interested.
I’ve learned a lot about communication skills over the years. For all that I have learned, I would thoroughly enjoy giving back to you if you’d like to develop and improve your communication skills. My only fee for providing assistance is the satisfaction of knowing I was able to help. Feel free to contact me at 615-708-9548 or lenserafino131@gmail.com