Billy stood on the porch behind the funeral home angrily puffing on an unfiltered Pall Mall. It was windy and cold, the kind of day he wished he didn’t smoke, or maybe that smokers still had the right to smoke where they pleased.

He was looking at the tiny cemetery, his back to the building that held his friend Calvin Daley’s body. He was sad, but he was angry too. His grief, deep as it was, was tainted by feelings of guilt. Still, he couldn’t help smiling when he thought of Calvin dressed in a cheap blue suit, wearing a colorful, expensive looking tie. When it came to clothes, Calvin was a Wal-Mart shopper and proud of it.

He heard the door slam and turned to see who it was. It was Nancy, Calvin’s girlfriend. A cute redhead, she worked as a sales clerk for Nordstrom’s. No doubt, Nancy supplied the colorful tie.

“Thought I’d find you out here.”

“You missed me?” Billy’s mood brightened a little. “The tie was a nice touch, girl.”

“Shut up and give me a cigarette you jerk. It’s a two-hundred dollar Ferragamo tie. I lifted it right off the mannequin in the store window.”

Billy pulled one out, and lit it for Nancy. She took a long drag. “I can’t wait for this to be over. His mother is making me crazy. You would think Calvin’s dying was a huge deal, like he was John Lennon or something.” She looked away when she said this.

Billy stepped on his cigarette and stuck his hands in his pockets to warm them. His long, skinny frame shivered. He would stay outside until Nancy finished her cigarette. He hoped she would take her time.  

“Calvin wasn’t exactly a cool guy, I admit. Like being on The Bachelor, or Big Brother, but to Mrs. Daley, well, you know,” Billy said.

“You’re an idiot, Billy. If you want to give him credit for anything in his short life it would be that he would never go on one of those shows.”

“I know that. I was just trying to lighten the moment. He was my best friend.”

“I know. He loved you, I hope you know that.” Nancy flipped the rest of her cigarette onto the grass.

“Why do you think he did it?”

Nancy crossed her arms as if bracing for the wind. “What do you mean? He didn’t “do” anything. He slipped,” Nancy said. “You were up there with him. You should know, right?”

“I asked him to show me how to get a better signal. I didn’t see him slip.” Billy knew that was what the Daley family believed, that he slid off the roof, three stories high. Maybe Nancy believed it too. He slipped when he asked, aloud, the question that was silently on the minds of Calvin’s close friends. She was waiting for him to say something. The door opened again, a real break for him. He had no idea what to say and suddenly his underarms were wet.

“Father Dalorto is going to do the eulogy now.” The funeral director, a man who had been Calvin and Billy’s Little League coach 15 years ago, beckoned them to come inside.  

The priest was a long-winded sort. He spoke in glowing terms about Calvin’s love of the New York Rangers, his easy going friendliness and his dreams of one day being the radio voice of Rangers games. Mrs. Daley was quietly sobbing.  

Billy sat next to Nancy, his face still stinging from the cold and his earlier mistake. Calvin’s close friends all knew he had a terrible secret. The young man wasn’t satisfied being a rabid Rangers fan. He bet heavily on his team too. But he didn’t stop there. He bet other games as well. Like every other gambler, he usually lost.

He was deeply in debt to a loan shark. For almost a year, he had been stealing from the consumer products warehouse where he worked. At the wake, a guy from the warehouse told Billy that the day before he died, he tipped Calvin off. He was going to be arrested before the week was out. The news made Billy sick.  

Nancy leaned in to Billy. She whispered. “This priest is going to cover every minute of Calvin’s life. I wish he would shut up.” She wanted to sound bored, maybe annoyed, but Billy could see the unbearable sadness in her eyes.

Billy put his arm around her, a bold move for him. She allowed it. “Sorry for what I said.”    

“It’s for his mother’s sake, you know?” Relieved, Billy squeezed her shoulder.

Billy had a thing for Nancy. He fell for her the day Calvin introduced them. The attraction was so strong, he couldn’t sleep. Never though, not once, did he make a wrong move. Still, his feelings for Nancy, however well hidden, left him feeling guilty, even after Calvin died. He thought maybe Calvin’s swan dive would change things. In time she would come to him. As if she could read his mind, she tilted her shoulder away from his hand and cleared her throat, in his mind a clear signal that whatever he was thinking made her feel uncomfortable.     

When she inched over a bit, away from him, Billy had a moment of clarity. He gripped the back of the pew in front of him to steady himself. He closed his eyes and wept for the first time.  

The Daley family would cling to their story that Calvin was up there in the rain trying to fix their satellite dish so he could watch the game. When he started to slide, he reached for his friend, but Billy didn’t move. The Rangers weren’t even on that night.